JOHN: …..(suddenly bursting out) I can't understand it! I just can't understand it, Carol.

(In the saloon, ARTHUR and MARY hear the sound of his outburst, and look at each other. ARTHUR sneaks to the wall to listen.)

CAROL: What?

JOHN: How could you do it? You were positively condoning that dreadful family's attitudes. You've been practically a conspirator in all their appalling machinations.

CAROL: Machinations?

JOHN: Well, what else would you call them? This whole week-end has been one long subterfuge designed to undermine our entire way of life. They're the most amoral bunch of people I've ever come across.

CAROL: Oh, I wouldn't say that.

JOHN: Oh, you wouldn't, eh?

CAROL: No.

JOHN: And what would you call them? Eh?

CAROL: Just a fairly ordinary family trying to muddle through like the rest of us.

JOHN: (appalled) Like the rest.....!

MARY: (next door) I don't think we should listen to this, Arthur.

ARTHUR: (gesturing at her) Shhhh. I can't hear.

JOHN: Carol, they have threatened my livelihood; they've attempted to blackmail me into what amounts to criminal procedures; they've destroyed the years of ethical teaching we've instilled into Wendy, and compromised her chances of making a good marriage...

CAROL: Oh don't be ridiculous!

JOHN: Ridiculous? What do you mean, ridiculous? She's.…

CAROL: Are you trying to tell me that, in this modern day and age, noone who isn't a virgin has a chance of making a good marriage? You've just disqualified ninety five per cent of the unmarried population.

JOHN: You may deride my so-called old-fashioned standards, Carol, but let me tell you the world was a lot better place when they were more widely practised. I'm talking about us! The decent, caring example our family has always stood for....

CAROL: The stuffy, pompous, holier-than-thou example, you mean. It's no wonder we haven't any real friends. It's no wonder nobody asks us to anything except church coffee mornings and ban the by-pass meetings!

JOHN: Oh, I suppose you'd rather they invited us to local wife-swapping parties.....?

CAROL: Yes! Yes, I would!

JOHN: Carol!

CAROL: Anything to bring a bit of reality, and spontaneity, and....and....fun into our existence!

JOHN: Fun! Carol, what are you saying? After all these years of happy married life....

CAROL: Who says it was a happy married life? Eh? When have you ever asked me if I've been happy in our married life?

JOHN: Of course you have! I've always loved you. I've given you everything you've needed......

CAROL: Yes, but when have you ever given me anything I've wanted?

JOHN: Wanted?

CAROL: Yes - wanted, desired, hungered for? (Strides up and down.) I haven't realised it myself up to now, I've been so indoctrinated by your prissy moral posturing - but this week-end has really opened my eyes. I've seen life as Wendy must see it - as I used to see it when I was her age - with all the chances, and the excitement, and the romance ahead of her....

JOHN: But we're not Wendy's age any more, Carol. We're mature, responsible adults, with.....

CAROL: Does that mean we've got to stop living? We've got to forget passion, and joy, and adventure....?

JOHN: Passion for what? Adventure where?

CAROL: Adventure here and now - like having a boat, and sneaking off for naughty week-ends on it.....

JOHN: Naughty week....!

CAROL: Passion for good food and wine and all the other nice things that are supposed to be bad for you. Joy in.... in sex!

JOHN: Sex?

CAROL: Yes.

JOHN: We enjoy sex.

CAROL: No, we don't. We go through the dutiful motions of it, like cleaning our teeth, and washing the car on Sundays. I'm talking about real, glorious, gutsy, bonking!

JOHN: (almost fainting) Carol!

*