Birthday Suite |
BOB: .... I’m not… I mean, I don’t.... I’m not used to this at all. KATE: I’m not sure I believe you. BOB: Why? KATE: Well – the champagne…. BOB: Oh, that’s Geoff’s idea. KATE: Ah. And the bed? BOB: The bed? KATE: Yes. BOB: Er…. what about it? KATE: I didn’t expect that. (Pause) BOB: You didn’t? KATE: A bit obvious, don’t you think? BOB: (staring at it) I suppose it is. KATE: A bit unsubtle. BOB: Unsubtle? Oh, I see! You’d rather do without the bed? KATE: Well at this stage. BOB: You must forgive me. I’m not up with all the modern trends. I’m a bit old-fashioned about these things. KATE: Hardly seems that way to me. BOB: True, I assure you. I’m a very staid, very ordinary, very unambitious man, who’s got involved in something a bit outside his scope. As a matter of fact I was about to skip off before you arrived. I didn’t think I could go through with it. KATE: Really? BOB: Yes. KATE: That’s funny. So was I. (Pause) BOB: So were you what? KATE: About to skip off. BOB: Why? KATE: Same reason as you. BOB: I don’t quite follow. KATE: Well why were you nervous about it. BOB: Because I’ve never done anything like this before. KATE: Neither have I. (Pause) BOB: I mean, it’s my first time. KATE: It’s mine too. (Pause. BOB bursts into relieved laughter.) BOB: I see! I didn’t understand! It’s your first time! KATE: Yes. BOB: I thought you were a bit odd. KATE: Odd? BOB: Yes. I couldn’t make you out at all. (Looking at her in a new light) Good heavens – your first time! KATE: (annoyed) Well do I look as if I’m a regular at it? BOB: No, you don’t. That’s what threw me. I naturally assumed you were, you see. (Going to the drinks) Have another drink. KATE: Thank you. Vodka and tonic. BOB: (as he pours) Your first time – Good Lord! KATE: (awkward) Well, is it so surprising? Everyone has to start somewhere. BOB: I suppose so. It hadn’t really occurred to me. (Bringing her drink) Tell me, why er…. what, er…. what made you go in for this sort of thing? KATE: We all get lonely, don’t we? BOB: Well, yes, but er – rather a drastic method, isn’t it? KATE: Well, why have you done it? BOB: Oh, dreams, fantasies – the frustrations of staid middle age. KATE: Does it have to be a fantasy? BOB: Well.... BOB: ( with a sad laugh) What an idealist you are. I don’t imagine you’ll stay that way for long. KATE: (angrily) Well for heaven’s sake, what do you suppose is the whole purpose of this exercise? Shake hands, have a quick drink, and then into bed? Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, and then go our separate ways? Eh? (Pause) BOB: Well…. yes. KATE: Well, thank you! (Throws her drink in his face, and storms through to the other room, slamming the door.) |
|
|
